I am having a rough night tonight. As Lindsay ran out the door to meet her new "friend" that's a boy I cried.. a lot...
They were heading to a new restaurant downtown that I've always wanted to go to. Used to be she and I would be going out and trying new places, or shopping, or running errand. Those days have abruptly come to a halt. This has just been a hard adjustment for me. She has always been busy, and gone a lot. But she has also had a lot of time with me, too. She's gone every night now. And I am lonely. Not gonna lie. I am really lonely. I miss her. I miss Daniel. I miss their friends. Our house was brimming with life, with friends, and with love and laughter just a year ago. Now they have all moved on, as it should be. But I am so lonely. I miss them all so much. It's as if Lindsay dating her new friend has been the final one leaving. And our house has fallen silent. My life has fallen silent. Even a month ago, she was around more and we did things together. Where will I go from here?

Reflecting back

I've been reading Psalm 77 this week. Interesting how the author started out asking God where He is, and why He has left Him. Then in the second half God reminds him to look back. He is reflecting back on all God has done over his life and how faithful God has been.
This is the story of my week, sorta. I have been wrestling with where God is and what He is doing all around me. Yet I constantly remember what He's done, and He constantly reminds me that He is faithful.
This week He has shown me that amidst the chaos and confusion, He is still working. I have seen His hand in undeniable ways. I have seen Him work clearly. Thank God! Yes! There is confusion, and heartache. But He is still working. His presence still surrounds me. I feel Him. I see Him constantly. He is my King! And I am so grateful for every minute He has allowed me to live, learn, and see His works.

Psalm 77

New International Version (NIV)

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.

¹ I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
² When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,
    and I would not be comforted.

³ I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
    I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.^[b]
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak.
⁵ I thought about the former days,
    the years of long ago;
⁶ I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

⁷ “Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favor again?
⁸ Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
⁹ Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion? ”

¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

¹³ Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
¹⁵ With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

¹⁶ The waters saw you, God,
    the waters saw you and writhed;
    the very depths were convulsed.
¹⁷ The clouds poured down water,
    the heavens resounded with thunder;
    your arrows flashed back and forth.
¹⁸ Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
    your lightning lit up the world;
    the earth trembled and quaked.
¹⁹ Your path led through the sea,
    your way through the mighty waters,
    though your footprints were not seen.

²⁰ You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.