I must admit I am trying to figure things out as I write this entry. It's been a very odd and wonderful week full of lots of love with family and friends, and the strange happenings with a friend that I have never met face to face. I know God is teaching me something. I am hoping that as I write it will all fall into place.
Three times this week I have come across this Scripture:
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; instead perfect love drives out fear.
As we celebrated my mom's 80th birthday this past week with my entire family I looked around the room and realized that my family is a family full of love. None of us are perfect and yet we share a love as close to perfect as a family can share. We are always there for each other, we really don't argue at all, we are open and honest with one another. I trust each one of them with my life and they trust me the same way. There is no fear in loving one another with the Price family. We walk through valleys together, and we celebrate victories together. No fear. Only love.
On the other hand, as this verse kept popping up this week, I ended a 3 month relationship with a very good man. In fact he was a pastor. Though we had never met face to face, we had talked on the phone, emailed, and sent text for 3 months. During these 3 months we had gotten to know one another very well. We were going to meet for dinner in 2 weeks. But the closer our dinner got, the more I heard fear in his voice. You see, he had dated a woman for 6 years before he met me. This woman crushed his heart. So as we began to both anticipate our dinner that we were going to have, he became afraid. He had not fully healed from his previous relationship. He was afraid to let go of the past. He was afraid to move forward into a new relationship. I suppose he was afraid I may reject him. And who knows? Once we met in person I may not have been attracted to him.
I was not afraid at all to meet him. Over the past 2 1/2 years I have learned what true love looks like. I have learned to live my life unafraid of love. I have learned that taking a chance on love far outweighs the risk of a broken heart. Confident in my God, and the perfect love He has for me, has caused me to not fear falling in love with a man. God is my first Love. Period. Whom shall I fear? So if things do not work out with a man, I will be fine. I have a perfect love, a love that always carries me through any and everything in life. I have a love that rejoices over me, and mourns with me. My first love will never leave me. Because of Him, I can love other people freely, whether it is a male friend, or a girlfriend or a family member or a stranger. There is no fear in love because God loves me perfectly, and wants me to love others the same way.
Because of all He has taught me in the last 2 1/2 years, through relationships, through friendships, through family, and through His love, the more confident I am to love others, regardless of the nature of the relationship I am free to love fearlessly.
When I said goodbye to my friend that I was about to meet for the first time I realized a couple of things. First, though he is a minister, he doesn't know the perfect love that God can give. As I have watched him over the past 3 months, and we have talked day to day I came to know that he didn't know God the way I know Him. Yes, I'm sure he's a Christian, but he has never been thrown into a place where God's love was all he had, therefore he doesn't know how to love fearlessly, to take a chance, to trust, and not be afraid.
I also learned that fearless love comes from God. When He teaches you how to love then there is no reason to not take a chance on someone you care a lot about. For my friend it was easier to say goodbye. For me, I would far rather try to work through his fears and see what was on the other side. I also learned that when you're seeking God in all relationships, the heartbreak becomes less painful. I didn't shed a tear. I have moved forward knowing that this man was not someone God wants in my life. I have moved forward easily because I have a Love that knows no fear. Because of Him, I can trust completely that He has gone before me and created my life's journey. For now my friend is not part of what God has for my life. I am perfectly fine with trusting God and moving on with my family and friends, the ones that will never leave my side and will love me with no fear.
God has taught me to love those who hate me. He has taught me to love those who love me dearly. He has filled my life with so many wonderful people who love me. Either way, whether it's someone who hates or someone who loves, as it says in 1st John, there is no fear in love. So I can take a leap, and love freely.
God's way is always best. He can always be trusted. Oh how He loves....And teaches us not to fear...
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
And then one day....
And then one day you realize that you've moved on. You've not just
turned the page, but started a whole new chapter. You hear yourself
laugh and you're reminded that the fear, and sadness that once haunted
you is now gone. In its place is complete forgiveness and joy. A new
thing. God has done something new. As a result, you're stronger, more
wise, and you're once again full of joy. You dance, sing to the top of
your lungs, deeply love your friends, family, care for strangers, and
love your enemies. You've found your new normal and it is beautiful, for
it was built on Him and Him alone. Thou hast taught me to say it is
well...
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Memories September 20th, 2015
As I was talking with a dear friend today, whose daughter is getting married next Friday, I advised her to relax and enjoy every moment. I told her there would be special moments that she will remember for the rest of her life.
As I said those words I realized I wanted to write down some of my amazing moments from Lindsay's wedding for my own sake. I never want to forget some of the special things that's happened the week of the wedding.
During the rehearsal, I think of my mom standing there, obviously lost about what was going on, but so proud of her gorgeous granddaughter! Lindsay was beaming in her white dress as she stared into the eyes of her future husband. My niece was the wedding coordinator. She took charge like a professional, telling the pastors, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and everyone where to stand and what to do.
After the rehearsal came the dinner at 212 Market.We all sat, talking and laughing for hours. Speeches were given. I got to meet Daniel's Aunt and Uncle who were lovely people. Then....I gave an unexpected speech! Completely impromptu. I remember as I talked, telling Daniel that I had prayed for Lindsay's future husband since I first found out I was expecting her, I glanced at the bridesmaids table. They were all in tears, Erin doing the ugly cry. haha Then we sat with Chris, Ashley, Layla, and Isla and laughed and talked for hours. I had expected it to feel awkward being alone, and me being and introvert, but there wasn't an awkward moment. It's was such a lovely evening!
Then there was the brunch, manicures and pedicures for Lindsay, the bridesmaids and I on Saturday. It was so much fun! We all laughed, took pictures, and had a lovely day together. I came out with red nail polish with glitter! So not me, but so much fun!
The next morning, I recall I had to stay in bed due to a trip to the ER the night before. I missed Lindsay getting her hair done. I got a phone call from Lindsay as soon as she left the shop saying "MOM I HATE MY HAIR!!!" She was beside herself! I jumped out of bed saying I'll be right there! That is what mom's do after all. We shove ourselves aside in a split second to run to the side of our children when they are in need. I got lost going to the venue! hahaha I didn't use my phone for directions, and it wasn't where I thought it was so it took me forever to get there. By the time I arrived, crisis solved! The bridesmaids had pitched in an fixed Lindsay's hair. Then it was time for us all to do our make up. We danced the NaeNae, laughed, and sang while getting ready. It was so much fun!
I recall Lindsay slipping into her wedding dress. Oh my! What a moment that was! She was ravishingly beautiful. Before she left for her first look with Daniel, we held each other, staring into each others eyes, whispering how much we love each other. A prayer was said, just the two of us and she was off to meet her groom. We spied from the balcony, catching a glimpses of their first look at each other, giggling like school girls.
When Lindsay returned, she undressed because she was so hot outside. hahaha was all sat in the room eating sandwiches, more laughter and giggles. Sherri came to share in the fun! Finally it was time. My son, Daniel, came to the bridal suite, we joined hands, all of us, and prayed for the future Mr and Mrs Beckler, the day, and their marriage. Then, with our hearts beating out of our chest, we took the long walk into the lobby, past the cake, decorations and food and watched our families being ushered in. One by one they paraded down the isle. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents from all sides of the family. I was so proud that they all were there, alive and ready to watch my girl marry her groom.
Then it was our turn. Lindsay, my Daniel and I walking down the isle...we gave her to Daniel, thrilled with their love for one another. Lindsay handed me her purity ring. I wore it the rest of the night.
Grandad spoke, the Pastor Shannon, the took the Lords supper, as Casey and Kristin sang, said their vows and they were married! I remember my Daniel pulling me close with his are around me as we watched our beloved Lindsay leave us to be joined together as one with her handsome knew husbands.
After that, snapshots in my mind...Teresa Wade and her new husband beaming as they greeted us, as if it was her own daughter that got married. The first dance, breathtaking. Mingling with my friends and family. Sharing wine with Drake, sitting with the "cool people" haha from Ethos, having a talk with my old friend Bonnie Chichka, Sherri being by my side, dancing the night away, hugging Daniels family, sneaking a talk in with Daniel's cousin Sarah, delicious food, dancing with Lindsay, and then with Liddy (we didn't have a clue what we were doing but we had fun!) Grandmom joined in the dancing! haha Giggling like she does! I recall more friends and family than I could speak to, being showered with hugs, meeting Lindsay's co workers and laughing with them. Jan (Erin's mom) and Sherri dancing, neither one missing a beat! Chelsea stealing my IPhone and taking selfies of herself for me to find on my phone a few days later.
Then the fatigue, and bittersweet moments of realizing I was about to say goodbye to by beautiful daughter, Mrs Beckler. I recall my two Daniel's having a 45 minute heart to heart talk before we all left. Sparklers as the bride and groom headed for their car. One last hug, tears flowing freely as we said goodbye. All the people that stayed and cleaned up for us, each and every face that showed us the meaning of true love and friendship and family. The tears flowing as I drove home alone. Leaving on my vacation the next day alone, as the newlyweds headed to St Kits.
I am so grateful to God for each and every moment, each and every person who celebrated with us. Each text I got from David telling me I would be OK. He's such a close friend. Prayers from Aaron, my mate who lives in Australia. So many other friends continuing to pray for my kids and I as the beautiful day faded into another week. One of relaxation alone in the mountains for me. Quiet drives, bears, deer, other animals, leaves changing as the face of my family changed once again. How blessed we are to have so much love in our lives.
God has done exceedingly more than we could ask or think. To Him be all praise and glory and honor! Amen
As I said those words I realized I wanted to write down some of my amazing moments from Lindsay's wedding for my own sake. I never want to forget some of the special things that's happened the week of the wedding.
During the rehearsal, I think of my mom standing there, obviously lost about what was going on, but so proud of her gorgeous granddaughter! Lindsay was beaming in her white dress as she stared into the eyes of her future husband. My niece was the wedding coordinator. She took charge like a professional, telling the pastors, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and everyone where to stand and what to do.
After the rehearsal came the dinner at 212 Market.We all sat, talking and laughing for hours. Speeches were given. I got to meet Daniel's Aunt and Uncle who were lovely people. Then....I gave an unexpected speech! Completely impromptu. I remember as I talked, telling Daniel that I had prayed for Lindsay's future husband since I first found out I was expecting her, I glanced at the bridesmaids table. They were all in tears, Erin doing the ugly cry. haha Then we sat with Chris, Ashley, Layla, and Isla and laughed and talked for hours. I had expected it to feel awkward being alone, and me being and introvert, but there wasn't an awkward moment. It's was such a lovely evening!
Then there was the brunch, manicures and pedicures for Lindsay, the bridesmaids and I on Saturday. It was so much fun! We all laughed, took pictures, and had a lovely day together. I came out with red nail polish with glitter! So not me, but so much fun!
The next morning, I recall I had to stay in bed due to a trip to the ER the night before. I missed Lindsay getting her hair done. I got a phone call from Lindsay as soon as she left the shop saying "MOM I HATE MY HAIR!!!" She was beside herself! I jumped out of bed saying I'll be right there! That is what mom's do after all. We shove ourselves aside in a split second to run to the side of our children when they are in need. I got lost going to the venue! hahaha I didn't use my phone for directions, and it wasn't where I thought it was so it took me forever to get there. By the time I arrived, crisis solved! The bridesmaids had pitched in an fixed Lindsay's hair. Then it was time for us all to do our make up. We danced the NaeNae, laughed, and sang while getting ready. It was so much fun!
I recall Lindsay slipping into her wedding dress. Oh my! What a moment that was! She was ravishingly beautiful. Before she left for her first look with Daniel, we held each other, staring into each others eyes, whispering how much we love each other. A prayer was said, just the two of us and she was off to meet her groom. We spied from the balcony, catching a glimpses of their first look at each other, giggling like school girls.
When Lindsay returned, she undressed because she was so hot outside. hahaha was all sat in the room eating sandwiches, more laughter and giggles. Sherri came to share in the fun! Finally it was time. My son, Daniel, came to the bridal suite, we joined hands, all of us, and prayed for the future Mr and Mrs Beckler, the day, and their marriage. Then, with our hearts beating out of our chest, we took the long walk into the lobby, past the cake, decorations and food and watched our families being ushered in. One by one they paraded down the isle. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents from all sides of the family. I was so proud that they all were there, alive and ready to watch my girl marry her groom.
Then it was our turn. Lindsay, my Daniel and I walking down the isle...we gave her to Daniel, thrilled with their love for one another. Lindsay handed me her purity ring. I wore it the rest of the night.
Grandad spoke, the Pastor Shannon, the took the Lords supper, as Casey and Kristin sang, said their vows and they were married! I remember my Daniel pulling me close with his are around me as we watched our beloved Lindsay leave us to be joined together as one with her handsome knew husbands.
After that, snapshots in my mind...Teresa Wade and her new husband beaming as they greeted us, as if it was her own daughter that got married. The first dance, breathtaking. Mingling with my friends and family. Sharing wine with Drake, sitting with the "cool people" haha from Ethos, having a talk with my old friend Bonnie Chichka, Sherri being by my side, dancing the night away, hugging Daniels family, sneaking a talk in with Daniel's cousin Sarah, delicious food, dancing with Lindsay, and then with Liddy (we didn't have a clue what we were doing but we had fun!) Grandmom joined in the dancing! haha Giggling like she does! I recall more friends and family than I could speak to, being showered with hugs, meeting Lindsay's co workers and laughing with them. Jan (Erin's mom) and Sherri dancing, neither one missing a beat! Chelsea stealing my IPhone and taking selfies of herself for me to find on my phone a few days later.
Then the fatigue, and bittersweet moments of realizing I was about to say goodbye to by beautiful daughter, Mrs Beckler. I recall my two Daniel's having a 45 minute heart to heart talk before we all left. Sparklers as the bride and groom headed for their car. One last hug, tears flowing freely as we said goodbye. All the people that stayed and cleaned up for us, each and every face that showed us the meaning of true love and friendship and family. The tears flowing as I drove home alone. Leaving on my vacation the next day alone, as the newlyweds headed to St Kits.
I am so grateful to God for each and every moment, each and every person who celebrated with us. Each text I got from David telling me I would be OK. He's such a close friend. Prayers from Aaron, my mate who lives in Australia. So many other friends continuing to pray for my kids and I as the beautiful day faded into another week. One of relaxation alone in the mountains for me. Quiet drives, bears, deer, other animals, leaves changing as the face of my family changed once again. How blessed we are to have so much love in our lives.
God has done exceedingly more than we could ask or think. To Him be all praise and glory and honor! Amen
Thursday, August 13, 2015
DeClan
It was as if the world stood still for about an hour on Monday night. There was nothing but pure prayer, interceding, and worship. You see, my very best friends grandbaby, DeClan, is in very very bad condition. In fact, the doctors say he will not live. So, about 100 believers came together and did nothing but pray. We prayed for a miracle. We cried. We were silent. because there were no words to say. His illness is so big we couldn't get our minds around it. But God knew. He was there. And He heard our hearts.
As I sit here tonight, I am realizing how much a 2 month old baby, that I have never been able to see, has changed my world. Only God knows how long DeClan will be with us. But I do know this. God has used him to teach me even more about the power of prayer, about the strength of love, about the power of believers bonding together to pray, and about the never ending love between forever friends.
That evening, those moments will live in my mind forever. God heal DeClan. Use his little life for You. Amen
As I sit here tonight, I am realizing how much a 2 month old baby, that I have never been able to see, has changed my world. Only God knows how long DeClan will be with us. But I do know this. God has used him to teach me even more about the power of prayer, about the strength of love, about the power of believers bonding together to pray, and about the never ending love between forever friends.
That evening, those moments will live in my mind forever. God heal DeClan. Use his little life for You. Amen
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Hallejuah!!!
God is SO good! He does greater than we could ever ask or think! He has provided beyond my wildest dreams, taking pressure off of me and my kids! He is amazing! He is good! He is a miracle worker. I'm so grateful! He honors those that live their lives to please Him. He has blessed my daughter and her fiance' beyond belief! Glory to His name.
I just HAD to give Him praise on here since my last blog was so painful. He saw! Though all the needs haven't been answered, all the ones I love have not been healed, He still worked a miracle in our lives today! I can't say enough about how amazing He is and how humbled and grateful I am for His continuous love and provision.
Amen!
I just HAD to give Him praise on here since my last blog was so painful. He saw! Though all the needs haven't been answered, all the ones I love have not been healed, He still worked a miracle in our lives today! I can't say enough about how amazing He is and how humbled and grateful I am for His continuous love and provision.
Amen!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Broken Hallejuah
It's been a very difficult week this week. There is so much heartache and pain in this world. I wonder when Jesus will come back? If I knew beyond a doubt that all my loved ones were ready to go, I sure would beg Him to come tonight.
This week our city has endured a terror attack. My mom is getting worse by the day. I found out a very dear friend of mine has Alzheimer's. I talked with her on the phone. My heart is so broken for her and her family. She's 54 years old, and going down hill very quickly. I said goodbye to my beloved job and beloved co workers of 7 years. They are like sisters to me. I drew strength through their love and prayers. I am going to miss them so much. I am watching my very best friend watch her new born grandson hold on to life, being fed through a tube, having seizures, a shunt in his brain, kidney problems, and many other issues. I listen to my dad grieve over this slow goodbye we are saying to my mom. He talked and cried for an hour to me. I am the only person he knows who loves her like he does and understands how he feels. Fiances are lean. The reality hit that I will be giving my daughter away in two months, just her brother and I. The loneliness of going through all this alone without a shoulder to lean on is sometimes unbearable.
Now here's the truth I am gleaning from all the heartache and pain.
God is our healer. He sees. He knows. He wipes our tears away. He is my providers. He is my protector. He is my Husband. He is my Friend. His love never fails, never ends, and has no boundaries or conditions. He has our days numbered. He knows the day we will be born, and the day we will die. He carries me through the hardest of times. He grieves when I grieve. It is well with my soul. There is no life without Him. Period. For those who try and navigate life without Him, please turn and run into His arms. It's impossible to bear the heartache and pain without Him. His return is soon. There's no time to waste. Tell those you love how much you love them. Forgive all wrongs that have been done to you. Lend a helping hand to all who are in need. Go above and beyond to do what He has called you to do, for time is short and every moment counts. Material things are not important. Having money and possessions do not compare to the love of God, family and friends.
If you stumble on this little blog, I send you much love and many prayers. Jesus loves you. Don't wait another day. Trust Him as your Savior.
This week our city has endured a terror attack. My mom is getting worse by the day. I found out a very dear friend of mine has Alzheimer's. I talked with her on the phone. My heart is so broken for her and her family. She's 54 years old, and going down hill very quickly. I said goodbye to my beloved job and beloved co workers of 7 years. They are like sisters to me. I drew strength through their love and prayers. I am going to miss them so much. I am watching my very best friend watch her new born grandson hold on to life, being fed through a tube, having seizures, a shunt in his brain, kidney problems, and many other issues. I listen to my dad grieve over this slow goodbye we are saying to my mom. He talked and cried for an hour to me. I am the only person he knows who loves her like he does and understands how he feels. Fiances are lean. The reality hit that I will be giving my daughter away in two months, just her brother and I. The loneliness of going through all this alone without a shoulder to lean on is sometimes unbearable.
Now here's the truth I am gleaning from all the heartache and pain.
God is our healer. He sees. He knows. He wipes our tears away. He is my providers. He is my protector. He is my Husband. He is my Friend. His love never fails, never ends, and has no boundaries or conditions. He has our days numbered. He knows the day we will be born, and the day we will die. He carries me through the hardest of times. He grieves when I grieve. It is well with my soul. There is no life without Him. Period. For those who try and navigate life without Him, please turn and run into His arms. It's impossible to bear the heartache and pain without Him. His return is soon. There's no time to waste. Tell those you love how much you love them. Forgive all wrongs that have been done to you. Lend a helping hand to all who are in need. Go above and beyond to do what He has called you to do, for time is short and every moment counts. Material things are not important. Having money and possessions do not compare to the love of God, family and friends.
If you stumble on this little blog, I send you much love and many prayers. Jesus loves you. Don't wait another day. Trust Him as your Savior.
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Alzeheimer's
She's slipping away. At first it was called Dementia. She was very forgetful during that time, but still able to interact. In the beginning she could even drive. But as time went on, I secretly knew she was getting worse. It was about this time last year the diagnosis changed. Alzheimer's. Stage 6. The word I prayed I would never have to hear from a doctor, because I knew it was a horrendous illness. I knew the pain that comes along with the illness.
I see it more and more with every visit. Today we went out to celebrate Father's Day. I watched her walking from the car to the restaurant. She was holding on to the arm of her dear friend as they approached the door. The closer she got, the more I saw the emptiness in her eyes. I began to tear up, but stopped myself before they got to the door. "Got to keep it together" I said to myself.
I watched her struggle with the menu. She didn't know what the foods were, because this was a restaurant she hadn't been to in years. Dad tried helping her decide what to order. She didn't understand. She finally came up with something. Dad had to order for her. Then she sat quietly as we all interacted with one another. She couldn't keep up with the conversation. So she sat there looking lost. We tried to include her but she was still lost.
She had forgotten who my daughters fiance' is. She covered well saying, "Good to see you young man". She used to know him well and love him lots.
The doctor gave her one last prescription a few months ago. "I think this will keep her stable, and buy her another 6 months or so". It's been six months. Her time is up with that medication and it showed today.
My mom is my best friend. She has always been my rock. She has rescued me from so many messes I got myself into when I was young. She has been my prayer warrior, my confidant, and my go-to person any time I needed her. She was funny. She taught me how to cook. She taught me about unconditional love. She taught me about God and forgiveness. She stood beside my dad as the pastor's wife. It wasn't an easy roll in life, but she handled it with grace, allowing God to use her any way He could. She never stopped praying for me and never gave up on me even when I was so far away from God. And she rejoiced more than anyone when her wayward daughter came home. She welcomed my husband (now ex) into our family like he was a son. When she first met him she warned him, "You'd better treat my girl good or you'll have to answer to me!" We all laughed about that for years. She grieved so deeply when he left. She adored my two now grown kids, always being the best grandmother. Slipping them money when she saw them, proud of them all of their lives.
But today I saw it more than ever before. She's slipping away. There's nothing anyone can do about it. No more medicines to try. We just have to see what time brings us. My heart aches. I long for one more good laugh with her, or normal conversation. But those days are over. Brokenhearted, I write this for anyone going through the same thing. I miss my momma. I miss who she was. I am grateful that she still knows most of us. But no one, or nothing can ever replace the relationship what I had with her for 56 years. I miss the twinkle in her eye. I feel so alone without her. She's no longer herself. God help me. God help us all.
I see it more and more with every visit. Today we went out to celebrate Father's Day. I watched her walking from the car to the restaurant. She was holding on to the arm of her dear friend as they approached the door. The closer she got, the more I saw the emptiness in her eyes. I began to tear up, but stopped myself before they got to the door. "Got to keep it together" I said to myself.
I watched her struggle with the menu. She didn't know what the foods were, because this was a restaurant she hadn't been to in years. Dad tried helping her decide what to order. She didn't understand. She finally came up with something. Dad had to order for her. Then she sat quietly as we all interacted with one another. She couldn't keep up with the conversation. So she sat there looking lost. We tried to include her but she was still lost.
She had forgotten who my daughters fiance' is. She covered well saying, "Good to see you young man". She used to know him well and love him lots.
The doctor gave her one last prescription a few months ago. "I think this will keep her stable, and buy her another 6 months or so". It's been six months. Her time is up with that medication and it showed today.
My mom is my best friend. She has always been my rock. She has rescued me from so many messes I got myself into when I was young. She has been my prayer warrior, my confidant, and my go-to person any time I needed her. She was funny. She taught me how to cook. She taught me about unconditional love. She taught me about God and forgiveness. She stood beside my dad as the pastor's wife. It wasn't an easy roll in life, but she handled it with grace, allowing God to use her any way He could. She never stopped praying for me and never gave up on me even when I was so far away from God. And she rejoiced more than anyone when her wayward daughter came home. She welcomed my husband (now ex) into our family like he was a son. When she first met him she warned him, "You'd better treat my girl good or you'll have to answer to me!" We all laughed about that for years. She grieved so deeply when he left. She adored my two now grown kids, always being the best grandmother. Slipping them money when she saw them, proud of them all of their lives.
But today I saw it more than ever before. She's slipping away. There's nothing anyone can do about it. No more medicines to try. We just have to see what time brings us. My heart aches. I long for one more good laugh with her, or normal conversation. But those days are over. Brokenhearted, I write this for anyone going through the same thing. I miss my momma. I miss who she was. I am grateful that she still knows most of us. But no one, or nothing can ever replace the relationship what I had with her for 56 years. I miss the twinkle in her eye. I feel so alone without her. She's no longer herself. God help me. God help us all.
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