I feel led to write about an intimate moment I had with God this morning. I am posting it here rather than on my Never Failing Love blog because it's personal, it's my story, so only those who stumble upon this little unadvertised blog will read it.
If you knew me almost 3 years ago, you would have known a different person. I was married, my kids were in and out of the house constantly, bringing friends with them. I never knew who would be at my dinner table. The food was always good, the conversation even better. We were a tight knit clan, though there was trouble lying underneath. The sound of laughter filled my home on a daily basis. I was full of hopes and dreams for the future. I was busy constantly with my life, my friends. my kids, their friends, family, my job. There was always something going on.
In August of 2012 I had a minor medical procedure which led to major medical problems. After several medical tests, more trips to the dr than I can remember, I finally had major surgery. Three weeks after my surgery, my then husband asked for a divorce. I wasn't healed from my surgery yet, but had to begin a new battle in the foreign land of divorce and law. The dust finally settled from the divorce, and I began a process of remodeling my home. It was a nightmare. I lost money, I was betrayed, and stolen from during that process. Once my home was almost completed, my beloved dog had to be put down. I had a parent diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a child who is wayward, another parent with heart problems. There were several other things that happened during that period that are too personal and to painful to write about. Brokenhearted, pain, tears, rejection, betrayal, stolen from by a trusted friend, and still trying to put my house back together, I found myself in an empty house, alone without my kids who had both moved out, without many of my friends who had moved on with their life, trying to help my daughter plan a wedding, more heartache and tears, the loneliest I had ever felt in my life. I was in despair. I remember asking God to please give me a break. But the heartache kept coming. Unspeakable things happening.
Today, I stood in church and suddenly realized the dust had settled. I smiled as I worshiped today! I felt lighthearted and at total peace. Today I realized very clearly that God had brought me though. The battle was over. I had fought a long fight, allowing God to carry me through each and every twist and turn. My faith was growing, and building. My heart was becoming more and more humble. My love for Him was becoming so strong that it was overwhelming me.
Today I realized this. I would not trade one second of pain, one physical problem, one drs visit, one tear I cried, or one single moment of heartache and despair over the past many months for anything the world has to offer. You see, as I sit here tonight, I know that God was developing in me a steady heart. A heart that will never move away from His steadfast Hand, a heart that is free to love others unconditionally, a grateful heart, a humble heart, and I heart that will trust His loving Hand forever.
As the song says:
"And as the dawn breaks
And the clouds clear
In an open space
Together we will run"
Dawn has broken! The clouds have cleared. And together we will run...
My new theme song. Steady Heart by Steffany Gretzinger The video is on Youtube. Go there and listen to the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp80oWtnJc0
I share my story (minus many details) so that anyone who may read this will know that there is hope. Whatever you are going through, no matter your pain or despair, press into God. He is certainly big enough to handle anything you can lay on him. And He WILL carry you through. Someday the dawn will break and the clouds will clear. When that day comes, you will find that He did an amazing work in your heart.
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